The first Monday of the month brings a new question from Michael G. D'Agostino. Each month Michael proposes an insightful question and the blog hop members share their answers. You can find the entire list over at Michael's blog, A Life Examined. So this month's question:
Which one social convention would you get rid of?
This is a good one. There are a few that should change but probably will be around a long time yet. I'm not sure how this works around the world, but in the USA, when two people marry, one changes their name to the others. Why? It really causes a lot of paperwork for the person changing their name and often years of confusion. Just keep the name you're born with. I have a few female friends who didn't change their names after marriage and it is often remarked upon. There is no legal requirement to do it. I'm good friends with a gay couple who didn't change either of their last names when they were finally permitted to marry. Is it the norm across the world for a woman to take her husband's name? It is all so needless. I changed my last name when I got married but my husband's name was so much better in ways I won't describe.
I'm sure as I read across the bloghop, I'll find many opinions that will be more interesting than mine. I'll probably say at least twenty times that , yes, I should have said that.
Last Saturday, my local writers' group had our annual Christmas party. No one in our local chapter is offended by calling it a Christmas instead of a holiday party. It was in the lovely home of one of our members and everyone provided a dish for the buffet. We also had a small gift exchange. It was so relaxing and fun to sit around and talk with these people, many of whom I've known for years. That time woke my Christmas spirit a little.
On Sunday, we went for brunch with most of my husband's extended family. Many of these people we see only once per year so it was great fun. Again, a little spark added a flame to that Christmas spirit.
At home, I have a small stack of books my daughter requested for Christmas gifts. They're all non-fiction books that I have to order rather than something I can find on a store shelf. So later today, I might wrap those in pretty Christmas paper. On Tuesday, I'm going to drag out the Christmas decorations and give the house some holiday spirit.
Later this week, I'm having lunch with an old friend from my teaching days. We get together a few times per year. It's like we've never been apart. Can't wait.
I hear many people say they can't get in the holiday spirit and since my kids are grown up, there have been days that I've felt the same way. Listening to the news deflates the spirit even more. But I've discovered where to find that elusive feeling of goodwill toward all. The company of beloved friends and family fills me withe a feeling of quiet joy and contentment that I wish I could share with all. I hope the Christmas spirit wraps its warm arms around you all.
Do you know what to do with your second draft? What do you think about people changing their names when they get married? Has the holiday spirit grabbed you? What gets you excited for this time of year?
29 comments:
I guess since my name didn't change, I didn't really think about it.
There are still lots of ways we can get into the Christmas spirit. Getting together with family and friends is a big one.
We always put up our decorations right after Thanksgiving so we slide into December festive and ready.
I don't think people need to change their names when they get married. I did all that paperwork! (Though I do like my husband's last name better than my own.) I get excited knowing that we stay home for Christmas and just relax without the hassle of visiting everyone. We hang out with friends and enjoy each other's company. It's so nice.
Hi Susan - when I got divorced I decided not to change my name back .. but probably should have done - yet am glad I didn't!! My SIL hasn't changed her name for business purposes ...
Well the Christmas spirit is obviously settling over you! - Cheers and enjoy all the build up ... gently as it does - Hilary
Our wives took our last names but they wanted to do it. Neither of us would have forced them to if they didn't want to. It's not that big of a deal. And I'm feeling the Christmas spirit like mad right now. Either that, or I'm having a seizure. Only time will tell.
I love my maiden name: Burton. It sounds British and respectful for some reason, and there's wacky Uncle Tim! ;) But I changed my name when I got married to Narayan because I'm a traditionalist and because of something my sister-in-law pointed out to me: that she wanted to have the same last name as her children. For some reason this struck me as important though I'm not sure I could justify it. In any case, if I ever need a pseudonym, I will use Burton. Plus, whenever a store clerk asks for my email, by the time I finish spelling it out loud with all six As, we are both giggling.
Which last name I took didn't matter much to me. In the end it's how you treat that name during your life and not where it came from.
I'm indifferent to name changes--I think people should do what's convenient. :)
Sorry to leave a link, Blogger won't allow my wordpress comment:
Daily (w)rite
My wife was very happy to take on my last name. Since she's from Ecuador she had a Hispanic last name. Her parents had given her an Anglo first name at birth so now her name doesn't indicate at all her ethnic background and she seems to like that a great deal. In fact her daughter has a similar situation.
Especially when children are involved, having different names in a household might lead to confusion. But maybe not so much once people acclimated to the concept.
Arlee Bird
Wrote By Rote
This year the Christmas spirit is slow to come, but I'm working on it. No tree, but there's other stuff out and some friends coming for a party. Sharing time with friends this time of year is what triggers the spirit in me.
This year the Christmas spirit is slow to come, but I'm working on it. No tree, but there's other stuff out and some friends coming for a party. Sharing time with friends this time of year is what triggers the spirit in me.
Women having to change their last name is an odd tradition. But I'm actually looking forward to shedding my maiden name.
I'm glad you're in the holiday spitit. I'm getting there. :)
Women having to change their last name is an odd tradition. But I'm actually looking forward to shedding my maiden name.
I'm glad you're in the holiday spitit. I'm getting there. :)
Ahhh I should have totally picked that one!!! I got married in July and I still refuse to change my last name. It's just too much work and I like my original name!
Legally changing your name is quite a difficult process, so I'm not sure I'd ever do it. And it does seem silly that people, mostly women, are expected to change their last names. You should only do it if you want to, not because you feel like you have to.
Happy wrapping!
This is a great answer Susan. If you asked men to change their name to the wifes name you can bet your bottom dollar they wouldn't do it, so why should we? When I got married back in 1982 I just did it without thinking. Now I've been known by that name for decades so if I got married again I wouldn't change it. Too much work.
This is a good point. So many use their maiden name as a middle name.
The name changing can be so confusing! I have quite a few female friends who use their maiden name in professional settings, and their husband's name socially :)
Very true, good friends and family can bring out the cheer.
Yeah, stupid to force anyone or think they have to. Whoopi, they married you, who care if they take your name. What I think is dumb is the whole hyphenated thing. Keep yours, take his, but screw the hyphenated crap haha
I changed my name twice. To me it reflects a commitment to my husband but then I am of a much older generation LOL. I honestly can't think of a social convention I would like to get rid of. We decorated over the weekend which helps towards feeling the Christmas spirit I think.
My sister didn't change her name when she got married; it was funny because we had a Polish long spelling hard to pronounce name and she could have gone to something simple like Brown (but it wasn't Brown, but another very common name). I on the other hand, though love my family, always had struggled with having to spell the name for others and pronouncing it for others, so I was glad to take my hubby's name. It is spelled different with an "on" instead of "en" that is more common, but its easier than spelling a 10 letter long hard to pronounce name :)
Sounds like you have so many fun activities in store and have already done some fun stuff :) Good to be festive.
I honestly struggle with holiday cheer. December has not been a kind month with claiming beloved family members and other events. Maybe with the new grandchild, holidays will be festive in the years to come :)
betty
I would be fine with changing my last name. Even though it's short and simple, people still mispronounce or misspell it.
You sound full of Christmas cheer! I've had Christmas music playing since mid-November and I'm sitting in my living room next to the tree. I even have some gifts picked out for my friends already, which is very early for me :)
The last name thing is really interesting. I think it's happened quite suddenly that taking the man's last name is no longer a given. I've talked to multiple people about it and they've either hyphenated their names, kept their own or the man's taken the woman's
I made a mess of it. Changing your last name is easy peasy but I changed it on work docs and my license forgetting to go thru social security. As a result I spent 10 years thinking I had my husbands name only to have my job do a benefit review and flag me. Not cool since I was the head of HR. LoL. I changed my as card and now I'm all legal. As for holiday spirit the older the kids get the harder it is. They lose some of their fascination since many of their friends don't give it the same splash we do. Fortunately the rest of my extended family loves Christmas so I eventually get caught up :)
I hyphenated my name, and even though it's very long (and I didn't take that into consideration at the time!), I still love it. :)
Since we're in our new home for this Christmas, we're still floundering a bit re decorations, but we'll get there, hopefully this week or weekend.
Mary's maiden name was Kacka, and you can imagine what the Mexican kids in her neighborhood did with that. She was more than happy to change it.
Mary and I celebrate the Feast of the Nativity on December 25. It's Christmas, but without the hoopla.
The holiday spirit never grabs me. I'm a certified Grinch. I try to make it fun for my kiddo though. Also, we celebrate Christmas, even though it's really just the giving/receiving side of it and that's it. So I don't really care if people say happy holidays or merry christmas or joyous kwanzaa or whatever. At least they're being nice to me during this stressful time, right?
I think if my Other and I make it paper official, I'll likely change my name. Mostly because his is way better than mine.
For some reason I've yet to discover my daughter-in- law in Spain still uses her maiden name.
A wonderful post to read Susan.
Yvonne.
I can't get in the holiday spirit at home anymore so we don't put up a tree or decorate, but I do like going to our Old Town to see all the lights or to the stores to see decorations. And I keep a radio station on in the car that plays Christmas music 24/7. And sometimes even make a batch of Christmas cookies. So I guess I'm not grinchy so much, just lazy.
The name change thing, to me, is up to the woman and what she wants to do and other than that, none of my business. To each their own fun and ways.
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